I've learned recently that I haven’t been dealing with temptation well. I think this goes hand in hand with the fact that I've been kind of floating around in the abyss of losing/gaining/maintaining and haven't really put much thought into it. There are times where I have boldly turned something down because it wasn't worth it to me, but there have been other times where I've just gone along with the crowd merely because.
Its instances like that ... that after a while they add up and they start to make you frayed at the edges. I've never given up on myself, but I have been rather lax in regards to my eating and exercise regimen. Granted, my physical level isn't where it used to be due to dealing with a shoulder injury as well as dealing with the abdominal issues I have to keep in the back of my mind due to the numerous hernia surgeries and general surgeries I have had. I push myself while exercising but I’ve learned to be mindful of my body and if something doesn’t feel right (and not because it’s new) but if it straight up HURTS relax a little. But my eating is something that I control, no one else does ... although I have been letting outside influences sway my judgment and food choices.
I haven’t gotten the weight I gained from a switch in medication off and that just goes to show what I’m doing isn’t working. And going up and down on top of that initial gain is making me feel so sluggish, bloated and icky. So it’s time for the craziness and the madness to end.
During my Weight Watchers meeting on Thursday the topic was surrounding on the question “Is it Worth It?” There was a page inside the weekly that showed a flow chart surrounding the general functions that go on in life where we can have to make a decision if something is worth it to us or not. Birthday parties, work celebrations, holidays, etc. There's always a means for food, for celebration and food pushers trying to get you to eat the dish they “prepared specifically for you”. At one time I had a backup plan for all parties - 1) bring something with me if it was an event food can be brought to, 2) plan as much as possible, 3) plan for an indulgence that I knew I may want and 4) be aware, be conscious and be in the moment. Lately those plans have gone somewhat out the window and I've what I call “willy-nillied it”. And willy-nillying things just aren’t working anymore.
The meeting topic and the general conversation from the members in my meeting really got me thinking. But what really struck me was a fellow member saying something along the lines of "People bring junk into work all the time and it's not worth it to me if it's not the junk I like.” & “Why eat a cookie, just because it's a cookie? Have a cookie if it's your favorite, you want it and you plan for it." It struck me because I've been finding I've been in that that it's a cookie, eat it mindset and it's not helping me. It's pushing me AWAY from my goal and not bringing me closer to it.
Why eat something that isn't worth it just for the sake of eating it? It's madness! And it is so much easier on my mind and my body if I say no the first time. A bad day can quickly turn into a bad week ... then possibly a bad month. It can spiral and spiral quickly at that. At the end of the day I need to realize that it's food. Food is everywhere. Food will ALWAYS be everywhere. But I need to decide beforehand what is worth it to eat, what isn't and plan accordingly for the things I WANT. Food should be an enjoyable experience because if I'm satisfied with what I'm eating, I won't go back. That's the key to this whole game: satisfaction. Eating "just because" doesn't satisfy but eating something that I truly want does satisfy and I can have a small piece or a serving size and I'm happy and content.
And I needed this meeting to help switch that light bulb off on my head. It's gone off in years prior but sometimes we truly need to change the light bulb after it's started to flicker.
I don't look at this lesson as a failure, because nothing in life is a failure. Everything happens for a reason and everything happens designed to help us learn a lesson from it. I've learned that I strive with structure, I strive when I allow myself to have a treat that I REALLY want, but when I give myself too much slack I can sometimes take advantage of it because the old habits have a chance to start to creep back. I've also relearned that I'm a priority and that I need to make sure that I'm consciously aware of all situations I put myself in. If it's not jotted down in my tracker, it shouldn't be going anywhere near my mouth. Because if you bite it, you write it and sometimes I've honestly forgot or pulled a "oh I'll do it later" and when later rolls around it's so far gone from my memory that I can't even tell you that I did have the item.
So after this mind awakening Thursday meeting ….I arrived to work Friday morning with my meals and snacks for the day packed in my lunch bag (I’m still getting used to my new routine as I’d been unemployed before this position). My dinner was pre-tracked and ready for me to cook when I got home. But I received an e-mail at 8am saying "I feel like pizza today ...so pizza will be brought in for lunch for everyone." My immediate reaction was semi-panic. NOOO!! I planned my day already! Pizza isn't part of that day! If this happened last week I probably would’ve put my lunch bag back in the fridge and had the pizza. But this week I felt mindfully strong, but I was also aware of how less than stellar I was feeling.
So, what did I do during lunch when there were 8 boxes of pizza sitting behind me? I ate my lunch as I planned and felt proud of myself for resisting temptation. The pizza my coworkers walked by with didn't even sway me, or plant a seed in my head that said “have a smaller slice.” I stuck to my guns and I happily enjoyed my hamburger with salad and for dessert some watermelon and pineapple. I felt good. I felt proud. And I was truly on cloud 9 because it was what I needed to feel to know that I can resist temptation! And what makes this that much more of a feat? A tray of coconut walnut brownies were brought in after the pizza ... and those brownies were set down RIGHT in front of me ... and I didn't even bat an eye at them.
Talk about one big hour’s worth of Non-Scale Victories!