I've learned recently that I haven’t been dealing with
temptation well. I think this goes hand in hand with the fact that I've been
kind of floating around in the abyss of losing/gaining/maintaining and haven't
really put much thought into it. There are times where I have boldly turned
something down because it wasn't worth it to me, but there have been other
times where I've just gone along with the crowd merely because.
Its instances like that ... that after a while they add up
and they start to make you frayed at the edges. I've never given up on myself,
but I have been rather lax in regards to my eating and exercise regimen.
Granted, my physical level isn't where it used to be due to dealing with a
shoulder injury as well as dealing with the abdominal issues I have to keep in
the back of my mind due to the numerous hernia surgeries and general surgeries
I have had. I push myself while exercising but I’ve learned to be mindful of my
body and if something doesn’t feel right (and not because it’s new) but if it
straight up HURTS relax a little. But my eating is something that I control, no
one else does ... although I have been letting outside influences sway my judgment
and food choices.
I haven’t gotten the weight I gained from a switch in
medication off and that just goes to show what I’m doing isn’t working. And
going up and down on top of that initial gain is making me feel so sluggish,
bloated and icky. So it’s time for the craziness and the madness to end.
During my Weight Watchers meeting on Thursday the topic was
surrounding on the question “Is it Worth It?” There was a page inside the
weekly that showed a flow chart surrounding the general functions that go on in
life where we can have to make a decision if something is worth it to us or not.
Birthday parties, work celebrations, holidays, etc. There's always a means for
food, for celebration and food pushers trying to get you to eat the dish they “prepared
specifically for you”. At one time I had a backup plan for all parties - 1)
bring something with me if it was an event food can be brought to, 2) plan as
much as possible, 3) plan for an indulgence that I knew I may want and 4) be
aware, be conscious and be in the moment. Lately those plans have gone somewhat
out the window and I've what I call “willy-nillied it”. And willy-nillying
things just aren’t working anymore.
The meeting topic and the general conversation from the
members in my meeting really got me thinking. But what really struck me was a
fellow member saying something along the lines of "People bring junk into
work all the time and it's not worth it to me if it's not the junk I like.”
& “Why eat a cookie, just because it's a cookie? Have a cookie if it's your
favorite, you want it and you plan for it." It struck me because I've been
finding I've been in that that it's a cookie, eat it mindset and it's not
helping me. It's pushing me AWAY from my goal and not bringing me closer to it.
Why eat something that isn't worth it just for the sake of eating it? It's madness! And it is so much easier on my mind and my body if I say no the first time. A bad day can quickly turn into a bad week ... then possibly a bad month. It can spiral and spiral quickly at that. At the end of the day I need to realize that it's food. Food is everywhere. Food will ALWAYS be everywhere. But I need to decide beforehand what is worth it to eat, what isn't and plan accordingly for the things I WANT. Food should be an enjoyable experience because if I'm satisfied with what I'm eating, I won't go back. That's the key to this whole game: satisfaction. Eating "just because" doesn't satisfy but eating something that I truly want does satisfy and I can have a small piece or a serving size and I'm happy and content.
And I needed this meeting to help switch that light bulb off
on my head. It's gone off in years prior but sometimes we truly need to change the light bulb after it's started to flicker.
I don't look at this lesson as a failure, because nothing in
life is a failure. Everything happens for a reason and everything happens
designed to help us learn a lesson from it. I've learned that I strive with
structure, I strive when I allow myself to have a treat that I REALLY want, but
when I give myself too much slack I can sometimes take advantage of it because
the old habits have a chance to start to creep back. I've also relearned that
I'm a priority and that I need to make sure that I'm consciously aware of all
situations I put myself in. If it's not jotted down in my tracker, it shouldn't
be going anywhere near my mouth. Because if you bite it, you write it and
sometimes I've honestly forgot or pulled a "oh I'll do it later" and
when later rolls around it's so far gone from my memory that I can't even tell
you that I did have the item.
So after this mind awakening Thursday meeting ….I arrived to
work Friday morning with my meals and snacks for the day packed in my lunch bag
(I’m still getting used to my new routine as I’d been unemployed before this position).
My dinner was pre-tracked and ready for me to cook when I got home. But I
received an e-mail at 8am saying "I feel like pizza today ...so pizza will
be brought in for lunch for everyone." My immediate reaction was
semi-panic. NOOO!! I planned my day already! Pizza isn't part of that day! If
this happened last week I probably would’ve put my lunch bag back in the fridge
and had the pizza. But this week I felt mindfully strong, but I was also aware
of how less than stellar I was feeling.
So, what did I do during lunch when there were 8 boxes of
pizza sitting behind me? I ate my lunch as I planned and felt proud of myself
for resisting temptation. The pizza my coworkers walked by with didn't even sway
me, or plant a seed in my head that said “have a smaller slice.” I stuck to my
guns and I happily enjoyed my hamburger with salad and for dessert some
watermelon and pineapple. I felt good. I felt proud. And I was truly on cloud 9
because it was what I needed to feel to know that I can
resist temptation! And what makes this that much more of a feat?
A tray of coconut walnut brownies were brought in after the pizza ... and those
brownies were set down RIGHT in front of me ... and I didn't even bat an eye at
them.
Talk about one big hour’s worth of Non-Scale Victories!
Good work sticking to your plan and resisting all that pizza! (and it smells so good...) I would be planning a healthier thin crust pizza in the near future too, so you can still enjoy something "pizza-licious". I have also turned to watermelon this week. A few juicy junks really help fill those "empty spaces" (real or imagined) after dinner.
ReplyDeleteI definitely make and purchase thin-crust pizzas at home. It wasn't necessarily about the pizza, I was super proud of myself for being able to stick to my guns. For a while I've just been like "eh, okay, it wasn't what I planned but ok.." And I have to say, the watermelon is FABULOUS right now! Very surprising since I usually have to wait until June before the good watermelon hits here.
DeleteWell, I'm glad you've been finding good watermelons out there. I have always (pre-WW) waited until after Memorial Day, because it just seemed strange having a summer fruit before summer time. But I decided I would try one the other day, and it was ok, not fabuluous. Definitely better chilled, though. I have a terrible time picking good watermelons. I "thump" them, feel their heaviness in proportion to size, and whatever else you're supposed to do when selecting a melon. And it's still a total crapshoot. Hoping the good watermelon finds me soon!
DeleteThere's definitely a science to picking a watermelon but sometimes I think it boils down to luck. I've bought some watermelons that were just awful and others that were the most delicious watermelon I've ever had. When I see them cut up and individually wrapped in sections (in plastic wrap) at my grocery store ... I actually sniff the package (LOL). If it smells sweet I put it in my cart, if it smells of nothing it stays on the refrigerated shelf. I bought a mini personal watermelon the other day, I haven't cracked into it yet but I've got my fingers crossed. The personal watermelons are the ones I tend to find to truly be hit or miss.
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