Welcome 2015 …

With the start of 2015 there come many resolutions. I’ve never been one to make a resolution. I’ve always been the type that if I’m going to do something, I’m going to do it regardless of the date, day, or beginning of a new year.

I’m not making a resolution, but I am saying to myself that it’s time to take control and make myself #1 at all times throughout this year. That means, removing toxic people from my life, distancing myself from negativity as well as the folks spreading said negativity and always making time for myself without rearranging my plans or putting myself on the back burner to (unnecessarily) help others out of the whirlwind some put themselves into. More than half of 2014 was filled with making others a priority and disregarding plans I had made for myself. A good portion of the year the gym was a distant memory for months on end (but I can proudly state I’ve been active at the gym for 20-weeks in a row!!), food prep was merely an on the fly scenario (which thankfully I now designate Sunday’s as meal prep day) and I allowed others to cast their negative energy into my life and alter my emotional state.

But now a little back story ….

2013 was a rough year for me. I had surgery in April and spent the rest of 2013 trying to recover from that surgery (in case you aren’t aware, I had abdominal surgery and woke up without being able to move my left arm/shoulder, was walking like the Hunchback of Notre Dame, was on total restrictions from my doctor & spent over 7 months in physical therapy). On top of that toward the end of 2013 I was laid off from my job. I then spent a quarter of 2014 still trying to recover (still today, I’m not 100% but I’m better than I have been). I started working the 2^nd quarter of 2014 and I made the decision to get back into the gym. It wasn’t easy at first and it has taken a lot of modifications but I’m stronger than I have been. I know that it’s going to take more time and dedication to get full strength back but the more I work, the better I get.

2014 also brought a lot of change to my life:

• I started getting injections into my neck/upper spine to help relieve tension in my neck, shoulder and arm.
• I spent months visiting doctors and specialists to try and figure out gastrointestinal issues (that oddly, started after my surgery in 2013).
• Working on regaining strength into my left arm with physical activity.
• Ending a 3+ year somewhat dysfunctional relationship.
• Rebuilding my relationship with the gym and my fitness
• Struggling with old “demons” that reared their little heads: stress and emotional eating
• Struggling with one of the toughest 6-months in my weight loss journey where the scale would fluctuate up and down
• Trying to lose 20 pounds I allowed myself to put on in 6-months trying to deal with/figure out life

I’m not pointing the blame on any situation or on any particular person/people. I was silently dealing with issues, trying to figure things out for myself, bottling things up inside, turning to food for comfort on days instead of exercising or venting with a friend. Regardless of all that’s gone on … I know that in my heart of hearts I did not give up on myself. There were instances of time where I was spot-on and great with my food/fitness … and then there would be times where I’d overeat on basically, junk to pacify my emotions. I’d binge eat. I’d stress eat. I’d boredom eat. I’d eat just because. At the core I’ve always been an emotional/boredom/just because eater and this past 6-months has taught me that I’m human and there are times when the things we thing we’ve got under control show us that slip-ups happen. I know that food is not the answer and I know that talking it out helps more than anything.  I’m going to work on keeping my focus on that … talk about issues/situations instead of eating over them. Don’t let the emotional eater win because it only hurts me in the end. I realize that with the 20 pounds I have gained that I’m the “heaviest” I have been in nearly 2-years … but I’m determined to not beat myself up over my downfalls because nothing good can come from making yourself feel bad. I don’t want a pity party. I want to motivate myself to be the best possible version of myself for ME!

Now, within the past 3-weeks I’ve started drinking Metamucil (per doctor’s orders). I’m finding it’s something that I need to work with and see if over time my body will react to it better. Right now, it’s making me very uncomfortable, it’s making my stomach sort of “blow up” but I hope with time it’ll help a number of issues on hand. I also hope over time my body will get used to it and not react so harshly to the increased fiber. I eat a decent amount of fiber in my normal everyday food but the Metamucil is a little bump in the road I need to be patient with.

I've made a pretty stand-up schedule for myself at the gym taking specific classes that I really enjoy: zumba, kickboxing, kettlebell, and total body workout.  Of course with each new season my gym changes up the schedule to keep things interesting, which will mean trying new classes and new things. I find with each week I'm able to do more and I'm getting stronger. My plan is to also begin working out within the gym on top of in classes to get a full "better bang for my buck".

All instances aside … I hope that 2015 brings increased health, wealth and prosperity for me as well as for you and your loved ones. Here’s to making 2015 one of the best years of our lives!

Removing myself from the dreaded Comfort Zone

Over the course of the last year I’ve allowed myself to get somewhat comfortable in my weight loss journey. It’s certainly not that I’ve given up … but I’ve allowed myself to get comfortable. The downside to being in ones comfort zone is nothing really happens there. You sort of float around, maintaining … which isn’t a bad thing, but at this point in my life and journey I need to push myself to be uncomfortable.

In April of last year, I had surgery. It was deemed to be a routine procedure where the recovery period was to be 6-weeks.  Unfortunately, due to complications, it turned out to be a 6-month recovery. During that time I was advised by my physician to not do any activity. Nothing, nada, zilch. It was a very long 6-months which involved weekly trips to a physical therapists office to try to help myself get better. A lot of frustration – both emotionally and physically and to this day I’m still dealing with a few issues from the procedure.

I’ve been so used to tracking and planning my meals so when I was advised after surgery to eat protein to speed up the healing process, I was like “Alright…”. Truthfully, in my mind, I was like “Okay … I can eat protein and track it.” But during that time I was told to not follow any weight-loss program… so I followed doctors orders for the first 4-weeks and didn’t track but ate mindfully (and maybe subconsciously tracked points in my head just to feel a sense of accountability and not like it was a free-for-all). During that first 6-week period zero activity was fine for me because I had a hard enough time walking a short distance. I suffered an unrelated shoulder injury during surgery and it affected my posture, my ability to move, etc. I had abdominal surgery which also added onto my pain and also added onto some of the complications I suffered.

Fast forward to 6-months post-recovery and I was advised that I could begin activity, in small doses, and do what felt right. I was also advised to not lift anything over 20-pounds for 3-months.

I’ve had my ups and my downs over the last year … but for the most part I have been maintaining. I’m proud of myself for being able to maintain for that length of time, particularly after all the emotional and physical jolts I’ve been through. But now that it’s about a year later … it’s time to put my “big girl panties on” and keep it moving.

 

It’s time to make myself uncomfortable because nothing “life changing” begins in my comfort zone.

My goal weight is within sight, but I don’t want to focus on the number. Focusing on how much I have to lose and how close I am sometimes scares me. As with anyone who’s lost weight we sometimes panic when we’re nearing the end of our weight loss journey and I personally don’t want to freak out. I also realize that since I’ve been a Weight Watchers member for 4-years, it would be REALLY nice to not have to pay my monthly membership once I get to goal and lifetime.

So how am I going to shake things up and get myself out of my comfort zone?

Well, I’m finally going back to work … I was laid off from my job last year and I was recently extended a full-time ob opportunity, which I accepted , that will give me some structure during the day. The kitchen won’t be accessible so I’ll be forced to be prepared. This way, whatever food I bring with me to work will be what I have for the day (all pre-tracked and portioned). My new job is also about a 10-minute drive away from my gym …so that means I can start taking some classes that begin at 5:30pm and I can also include some weight training into my routine. I’m aiming to make a “work, gym, home” routine for myself. Of course I’ll have to coordinate my workouts to work with my physical limitations, while working at gaining more strength without hurting myself. I’ve also been making meal plans for the week, so I can have an idea of foods I have available to whip together for myself, depending on the mood I’m in and if I want to take my time making something or if I want to make something quick.  I’ve also been working on asking myself if I really want something and not just having it because I feel like it or because it’s there and seems like a good idea. Also, working towards eating more power foods and reaching for carbohydrates a little less will definitely help me out. I’ll also be going to sleep earlier and waking up earlier, which will help get me “back on track” in that respect … because sleep is very important not only to function but it can make or break weight loss.

All of these in combination will undoubtedly shake up my world, bring me out of my comfort zone and keep me focused on being a better version of myself each and every day. It may lead to a new routine that is chugging forward instead of floating gracefully in the abyss.

Taking accountability for my actions

I attend my Weight Watchers meeting every week and every week I always weigh in. And if I can’t make it to my meeting, I find another location that either is hosting a meeting at a time I can attend OR I find a location I can go to just to weigh-in to have that accountability for the week.  Now I realize I can go into my meeting, think “gee I had a horrible week, I don’t want to weigh in” and I can choose to not weigh in that week.  I have never explored this option before because for me, personally, if I don’t weigh-in I feel that’s a way to be dishonest with myself and pretending the week before didn’t happen.

After the past week, I knew the majority of it was “off plan” as I was having a pity party.  I felt a little puffier and I knew I had gained, but I didn’t know how much. In my mind, I gained 5+ pounds.  Part of me truly didn’t want to know the damage and for a sheer second I considered not weighing in tonight. I got out of my car, walked into my meeting, put my stuff down on my chair, went to the bathroom (pre-weigh-in ritual) and decided to suck it up and step on the scale. I asked the receptionist weighing me in to not tell me the damage and she didn’t. I saw my weight pop up on the screen and was surprised, it wasn’t that bad!

Truth be told, I gained 2.4 pounds this past week on my pity party. 2.4 pounds! Truly that amount is not that bad and certainly not as bad as I imagined it. I didn’t want to explore the option of not weighing in because that would become an “out” for me and I don’t need any outs in my journey.  Honesty and owning up is the best policy. Not being aware of the “damage” could have essentially caused me to continue the vicious cycle.

My meeting was influential and I learned a good chunk. There are four people in my meeting who recently got laid off in the last 2-weeks … I’m not alone. I realize there are people all over the world/state who are unemployed and/or getting laid off. But as a very powerful and informative lifetimer in my meeting said to me in conversation: it’s up to me to decide how I want to spend my time, how I want to eat my food and what I want to do in a day.

My day was preplanned yesterday and Friday, most of Saturday and half of Sunday are already prelanned.  I’m also planning on going back to the gym – slow and steady because this is my life, my journey and I deserve to get to goal!

Dealing with change & being accountable

“When we are no longer able to change a situation - we are challenged to change ourselves.” - Viktor E. Franklin

I’m going to be completely honest. I strongly dislike change. I realize change is a natural progression in life … but I’ve never been a big fan of it. It steps in and shakes up my world and sets me off kilter. Some aspects of change (change of plans, etc.) in a daily life don’t throw me off balance as much as a huge change (loss of a job, start of a new job, etc.)

I have been out of work for some time nursing a shoulder injury. After getting approval from my doctors to go back to work – I submitted all my paperwork to find out on Monday morning that while I was out on medical leave, my position had been back-filled and I was now out of a job and gainfully unemployed. Not quite where I wanted to be or imagined myself being.  I admit it was a thought that crossed my mind (thanks to Google searches) – but I thought "noo".

Now I realize the situation (being home) has not changed, but the situation I developed in my mind has completely gone askew.  I was getting back into the mindset of being back at work – packing all my foods and bringing them with me, getting meals planned out so dinner could be put together and eaten at a reasonable hour, being around friends and coworkers who I haven’t seen, etc.  After the phone call I received, my entire world felt like it had been shaken up.

I’m not angry. I’m not sad. I guess I’m a little indifferent but I do feel that as one door closes another opens to bigger and better opportunities. Now it’s just to put the time in to find those bigger and better opportunities which I know are out there.  This of course adds a little bit of added stress: money constraints, frustration, health insurance concerns, etc. I realize things will work out for the best with time but sometimes it’s the waiting that is a little aggravating.

So I’ve been doing the whole unemployment thing – signing up for unemployment, attending seminars, searching for jobs, networking, etc.  In the overall spectrum, simple tasks – but since it’s so much change at once it’s got me in a bit of a funk. But I find myself comforting myself with food, making poor food choices, eating too late at night, etc. It’s almost like a pity party for Shannon at table one.  And I know that I’m doing it – I’m fully conscious but I’m doing it anyway.

It’s not a good thing to be doing.  And I’m feeling well, like crap (due to the foods I’ve been eating), I would think that would push me back into the celebrate Shannon mind-frame.  But like I’ve always said it’s truly mind over matter and I’ve got to work at getting my mind back and focused on me. Eating, consciously or subconsciously isn’t going to cure anything and it’s not going to make anything better. It’s up to ME and ME only to make things better … and I’ve got to get back to working on me. I’ve also got to get myself back to the gym – slow and steady, especially since I haven’t been to the gym in a long time due to my shoulder injury.

I guess I’m saying … I really need my meeting this week. I need that fresh start – a fresh new week to focus on me and make better choices and be a better version of myself each day.  I’ve got my week menu in the process of getting planned out. It’s up to me to turn this “tragedy” into a triumph.  This week long pity party cannot continue. I won’t let it continue … I can’t.  I’ve also got to learn how to cope with change – I’ve learned many things along this weaving road in my journey, and this is one that I’m going to have to do some work with.

Plus to be honest, there are some foods I’ve eaten that I wouldn’t mind NOT seeing again for a while …. So bring on the lean meats, fruits and vegetables! I’m strapping my big girl boots back on and I plan on lacing them up real tight.